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Compassion

As it's "that time of year", basically everyone we know is sick. The 2.5 year old had a rough Monday night, and I have a plugged ear. Zio Brett is planning his last big mac meal from the couch. Aunty J is taking sick days. Floor barf before coffee...

The team is deep into cold season.

It's emotional.

My Baba, Mom and daughter on my first Mother's Day

I've always encouraged the idea that it's ok to cry. I sometimes request that it be done privately (if it's loud or whiny) and I own my reason, being that I don't want to hear it.

Co-sleeping on Monday, sobbing throughout the night was met with comfort and with scolding, depending on my own level of ear misery. I didn't realize quite how unwell she was feeling, as she had been fighting a little something for nearly two weeks. She had spent the weekend with her dad so I didn't have a good prior assessment before bed. Reflecting today it feels like mediocre mom mode.

At one point in the night she silently got up and out of bed. I asked "where are you going?"

"My room" she said, voice wavering.

"Ok"

Thinking maybe she was congested and that she wanted to sit up and play for awhile, I agreed. I will sometimes get out of bed for awhile if I cant sleep, especially when sick. I encourage her to self regulate, and in this moment she had a plan to make herself feel better. I did not. I rolled over.

I heard her take a few more steps down the hall then start to wail. I had said earlier she could go cry in her room because she was hurting my ears. At the time she opted to stay with me and lay down in our warm bed. She stopped her sobs.

Later she couldn't hold them any longer, she stepped out so as not to disturb me, and cried in her own space.

Immediately melting my heart.

I went to her feeling ashamed of my impatience, and grateful to be learning compassion from a sick toddler in the middle of the night. Emotional intelligence doesn't need to be taught. Toxic culture needs to be unlearned.

Feeling lucky today to have this tiny teacher by my side.


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